Uncle Sugar by Narisma

last week at the supermarket / I was greeted by a man / in our native tongue / he said he’s been missing me / even if we’ve never met

Uncle Sugar

by Narisma¹

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The morning they ignite your house / I collapse the way artists do on Channel 7 / I wake up two years later / on the kitchen floor / facedown in a pool of Sarsi / and shred your old prison letters using my teeth / I beg God to smite me / if no one lets me live here anyway / the hours stretch / into seawater / while the moon unravels / above us / like an ulcer / inside the cheek / the girl who kissed me / dizzy at the bus stop / said my lips reeked / of driftwood / and diesel / and machete / my bed is no longer safe / in my dreams / the dead return / while asleep / I’m still running / and running / my mother’s remains were buried in the closet / and your daughter rolls / the policeman’s dick / in her mouth / like it’s a revolver / back home / we compare love to a massacre / this rot lives / inside us all / I brought it with me accidentally / through cardboard boxes / and multivitamin containers / and smile-sized scratches inside my wrists / the receiver on the countertop sputters / like flame to the back / of a spoon / kayo ang biktima / puntahan niyo ang bahay / buhusan niyo ng gasolina / sigaan ninyo / cut to post-roll / toothpaste jingle / radiowaves disintegrating / into ‘72 all over again / the hissing / yet another pistol / swinging overhead / farmers falling / one by one / their innards feeding the reeds / is it true / the inmates of New Bilibid / resembled an overcrowded jaw / your cellmate’s face / so close / to yours / even the half-hearted hymns / drifting through the barred window / seemed farther away / I am pregnant with the loneliness / of a strange country / longing for a home / I will never belong to / last week at the supermarket / I was greeted by a man / in our native tongue / he said he’s been missing me / even if we’ve never met / in my apartment / I cried for days / I plucked thrice-bruised fruit from the basket / and broke it using my teeth / even then / shivering in the pool of my dining room floor / drenched in rotten juice / and month-old pulp / I was still convinced / there was something left to save

1. The GMA Network, informally known as Channel 7, is a popular Filipino broadcast organization.

Sarsi is a Filipino brand of sarsaparilla.

“Kayo ang biktima. Puntahan niyo ang bahay, buhusan niyo ng gasolina, sigaan ninyo. [You’re the victims. Go to their houses, douse them in gasoline, and set them alight.]” are actual words spoken by then-chief of the Philippine National Police, Ronaldo “Bato” dela Rosa, urging former drug users to kill local drug lords.

The New Bilibid Prison is the largest penitentiary in the Philippines, infamous for overcrowding and gang wars.